he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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