It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
