Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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