i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
