You can't motorboat a personality
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
