wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
