I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
