ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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