I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
