the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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