Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
