Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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