I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
