guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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