Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
