dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
