That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
