someone threw a dead crab at me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
