i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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