she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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