I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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