Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
