Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
