Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
