sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
