hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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