Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
