Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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