So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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