I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
