He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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