it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
