So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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