mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
