just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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