I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
