I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
