whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
