Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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