Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
