My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
