I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
