Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize