I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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