If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
