k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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