i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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