So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
