He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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