She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
