Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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