a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
