if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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