fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
