I got chris browned last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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