he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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