just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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