dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
