When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
