I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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