my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
