worst night to have a conscience
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
