I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
