how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
