Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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