the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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