It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
