I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize