It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
