you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
