I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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