Your dad touched me again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
