He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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