I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
