if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
