ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
