Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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