I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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